A recent Facebook status update: “Maybe it’s just me, but I am extremely uncomfortable with any married man calling me “just to say hi.” Not good! Respect your wife!
Comments flew in … The biggest complaint from most women was that lately some married men have been living double lives. In social settings, these married men partied all night long, while enjoying lingering conversations and exchanges with single women, purposely putting themselves in situations where they can infiltrate the single female scene all the while wearing their wedding bands to make these women feel safe.
Therein ends the CNN excerpt. Which heralds the start of a new series of articles on MenStylePower written by women for men about women (and what they want!!!)
In our first article we look a what it means to love with integrity!!
In a world where flirting has become free-for-all, marriage vows are viewed as antiquated (yet we somehow rush to the altar in hope that somehow, somehwere romance and true love is availabble to us all), and in times when women and men are realising that marriages and relationships take a whole load of work that many people are too tired, busy, heartbroken or cynical to undertake, it’s hard for men and women today to remember how important integrity is in relating to one another, single, married or otherwise.
I recently had a big blow-out with a man who’d been coming on very strong for a while i.e. asking me out, etc but when the rubber hit the road, i.e. I started asking the hard questions i.e. “What do you really want from me?” he stuttered, gazed into space blankly and ran for the hills.
What I really wanted from him was not a lockdown to commitment, but a straight forward answer about what he was after in dating me; a simple “don’t keep a lady guessing” response.
In these crazy days, it seems easier for both men and women to duck responsibility and run from telling the truth and using all sorts of ‘escapisms’ to run away from the perceived drudgery of being in a committed relationship.
Although largerly positive for many, the dating field has widened, driven strongly by the growth of online dating. The relative secrecy of livingroom dating and hidden cyberspace profiles has meant that many a married couple has used the Net to drive back excitement into their lives, though not always with good results.
The Telegraph recently reported a figure by Mark Keenan, Managing Director of Divorce-Online, claiming that out of all divorces they analyzed, 20 percent have traces of Facebook coursing through their petitions.
While Facebook may not have been the root and cause, they say, “inappropriate” chats, wall posts and messages have aided in the unraveling of two in ten marriages. While many of these “hey hot stuffs” may have been innocent(ish), some spouses have uncovered full-blown affairs after a “poke” investigation or some detective work in response to a frisky photo comment or saucy wall flirtation.
Integrity is seen as primarily the formal way in which you see ‘you’ – your identity; and second, that integrity is strongly connected to acting morally – being a person who states the truth and sticks to their words and promises.
Integrity is at the heart of the integration of self; it helps in maintaining your identity; it signifies that you are standing for something good and basic to humanity; it is a virtue with a moral purpose.
So what does is it to be a person of integrity when it comes to ‘love’?
The truth is that if you’re married or in a solid relationship, state it to your world, and remain true to your spouse – you simple cannot eate your cake and eat it too … it’s just not fair to your loved one, but most importantly to yourself as a man or women – to your identity and self worth.
I believe we’re still all capable of being truthful about who we are i.e. walking in the light. It makes for a much more peaceful state of mind especially if you believe in “what goes around, comes around”.
I think its as simple as this: Single gents – never keep the ladies guessing where they stand with you. Single ladies, keep your cool, be graceful, ask a few tough questions and if your man can’t step up to the plate, you stay beautiful BUT step away from his scene!!
Married folks – “No one says that married people and single folks can’t be friends.” But show some respect for yourself, then for those whom you love, on and offline. Keep it real!!
Kay! (The Love Queen)