What makes a man attractive to a woman?

We can go around in circles and say that to be attractive to a woman, you need to be handsome, tall, dark, well dressed and have a deep, sultry voice that can melt icing off a cupcake. But that sort of ‘handsome’ can only sustain the attraction in a woman for so long.

Dating coach Christine Akiteng (www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com) offers the following advice on what it takes to become the man women love to love!

Men can easily sabotage their chances with women by having a paralyzing fear of women – feeling that they must exhaustively understand them and then use that “knowledge” to “force women to yield” and in turn win women’s love, respect and devotion. The quest to “force them to yield” creates the illusion of “power over the enemy” because it keeps the mind in an overactive, continually problem solving “do something” state even if it’s self-destructive.

This fear-driven pseudo-logic so often suppresses the natural ability to act in the “now”, and engage in moment-to-moment experiences and truly experience intimacy with another.  So you find that you’re not making that “click” because you have so internalized the fear of vulnerability and emotional intimacy that sometimes you don’t even recognize the fear anymore. In your world, it becomes an absolute truth that women = too risky. And you no longer recall why or how you came to that conclusion, just that it is.

In your most vulnerable moments, your core fear-driven feelings override your feelings of love making you gravitate toward fear driven approaches rather than love driven ones. But this fear is groundless since it’s just your own fear of your own inadequacies, insecurities and self. Fear of self is the greatest of all terrors, the deepest of all dread, the commonest of all mistakes. From it grows failure. From it comes loneliness. Every time you think you are putting your ‘best’ foot forward you find that you are only stepping on your own feet. It’s mentally stressful, emotionally frustrating and very isolating.

You can overcome your fear of women by simply overcoming the fear of yourself. Overcoming fear of self is the key. Every kind of fear amounts, in the last analysis, to fear of self; for if there were no fear of your innermost self, you could not possibly fear anything in life. You do not need to be afraid of women. You do not need to necessarily “fight” them to win them. You can become so naturally charming just by sitting down, talking to them, warming their hearts and inspiring their romantic feelings and sexual desires. They’re people too, however hard it might be to hear that.

As soon as you internalize this simple TRUTH and start treating women (and other people) like human beings with their own thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, desires, strengths, weaknesses, ways of being etc. (and you don’t even have to understand them just open yourself to knowing them that way) you will find that you can actually be natural and at ease with them, you can be funny, interesting and totally endearing in a natural way. Your experiences are easy, refreshing and fun. No stress, no sweaty palms, no overwhelming anxiety and no pressure to be “perfect”.

You being open, willing to listen, and demonstrating the freedom to be effortlessly human and naturally charming (which most of us seem to have forgotten how) is the sexiest and most attractive trait of all attractive traits. You doing this will earn a massive brownie point from her. And we’re on a mission for a sugar hit!

There’s also another way to earn those brownie points. Leaving a legacy. Helping those weaker than yourself. How?

Try ‘teaching orphans English while on your surfing trip to an exotic destination, or how about dedicating your time to underprivileged students at a university. This, we can assure you, is a huge turn on for a woman.

Here are 5 men who have been extremely successful in their career of choice, and behind the scenes, have dedicated their hearts to a worthy and important cause:

1. Bono knows no limitations whether it is music, fighting hunger; poverty and social injustice. We also don’t know the exact amount of his donations to charity due to his modesty, although they must be extraordinary as he’s received 3 nominations for the Nobel Prize and became a Knight in 2007. Bono is also in direct contact with world leaders and policy makers in his efforts to make the world a better place.

2. Brad Pitt’s active work for the Jolie-Pitt charity includes; New Orleans reconstruction, refugee aid, cross-cultural understanding and education of the public about ongoing world issues. He publicly stated that his Romantic involvement with Jolie has made him a better man, who is trying to build a better world for his 6 children. The sexiest man alive, turned out to be a caring and generous one too.

3. Jackie Chan uses much of his spare time to visit the remotest parts of China through his own charity, Dragon’s Heart Charity Missions. Chan helps young people in a variety of worthy causes, including medical services, aid to victims of natural disaster or illness, scholarships and youth activities. He is currently serving as an UNICEF ambassador and personally donated towards a non-profit organization dedicated to helping economically disadvantaged and homeless individuals.

4. Although embattled recently, Mel Gibson’s modesty prevented him from openly disclosing his active charity contributions, it was recently reported that his involvement and generous donations for charity such as “Healing the Children” provided lifesaving medical treatment to needy children worldwide. And that’s just one of his charities. His heart is about returning the goodness given him to others in need.

5. The late Paul Newman, founded his own line of food products, and from the beginning established that all proceeds after taxes would be donated to charity. To date his business has invested 250 million to this cause. His heart was to make the world a better place.

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