The Extra Ordinary Man vs. The Extraordinary Man

Essence dot com’s Steven James Dixon gives you the 411 of being an amazing, respected, loved & extra – ordinary guy!

“The Extra Ordinary Man vs. The Extraordinary Man” is a concept I developed that saved my marriage. Basically, there are three types of good men. I assume that there is no point in talking about bad men because everybody has either been one or had one. The three types of good men are Ordinary, Extra Ordinary and Extraordinary.

The Ordinary Man will work hard and hold down a decent job. He will pay his tithes, bills, save and invest. He can cook, clean and maintain the house. He will take care of the cars and the lawn. When the Ordinary Man becomes a father he will do his part. He will do all of the ordinary things that a husband would do.

The Extra Ordinary Man compares himself to other Ordinary men. He is not interested in being Extraordinary. He is only interested in being better than her last guy. He is only doing a little bit more than the Ordinary Man because his woman asked him to. The Extra Ordinary Man is the guy that does the job of the Ordinary Man and then adds a little extra by paying all the bills and then thinking that money makes for a happy, successful relationship. “I pay all the bills, I don’t know why she isn’t happy.”

How about the guy that says, “I am home every night,” as if being home every night counted for something. What’s funny about doing just a little bit extra is that it’s extra of the same. Its not better, its just extra. You may hear an Extra Ordinary Man say, “I do my part,” but to be Extraordinary, it is not about what you do, it’s about who you are. Too many men are focusing on what they are doing instead of developing who they are as a person.

I was an Extra Ordinary Man. To become an Extraordinary Man I had to develop my person. I had to become more man. The problem with being an Extra Ordinary Man in 2010 is that in 2010 a woman wants an Extraordinary Man, whether she is Extraordinary, Extra Ordinary or Ordinary.

The Extraordinary Man will never put his hands on a woman. Any man who would hit a woman is afraid of the woman. Why else would a man involve himself in an unfair fight? The Extraordinary Man does not argue with his woman. Men, understand, the more that you argue with your woman, the more she loses respect for you as a man. The Extraordinary Man is open to allowing his woman have the last word. Women need to express themselves. Be man enough to listen and not have what she says affect your manhood. A woman cannot take a man’s manhood. A man can only give away his manhood.

The Extraordinary Man is open to apologizing first, every time. Men, you are responsible for problem resolution. You cannot be a part of the problem. Apologizing first doesn’t mean that you are wrong, it means that you are man enough to accept responsibility for whatever is wrong. Apologizing first is leadership by example.

The Extraordinary Man does not require extraordinary in return in order to be extraordinary. Did Michael expect all the other guys on the team to play like Michael? Being extraordinary is an internal challenge. Every day, men challenge themselves to be the best lawyer, doctor or businessman, but they are not challenging themselves to be an Extraordinary Man. To be a Husband is to be an Extraordinary Man. All husbands should strive to be the absolute best that they can be.

For more from Steven James Dixon, read his ESSENCE.com blog “The Relationship Report.”